Too often, highly sensitive people are perceived as weak or broken. However, feeling intensely is not a symptom of weakness, but the characteristic of a really lively and compassionate person. It is not the sensitive person who is broken, it is the understanding of society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally incapable. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are sometimes described as “too emotional” or “complicated” are exactly what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, human world. Never be ashamed to make your feelings, your smile and your tears shine in this world.
It’s easier said than done, of course, because it can be so confusing, isn’t it? … Why you are overwhelmed by everyday tasks that others quickly do. Why you think about little things that should be forgotten. Why subtleties are increased for you and still lost to others.
It’s as if you were born without a protective layer of skin that others seem to have.
You try to hide it. Deaf it. Turn it off. But the comments still permeate your armor: “You’re rethinking things. You’re too sensitive. Resilience!”
You wonder what’s going on with you on earth.
I know because I was in my 40s when I stumbled across the term “highly sensitive people”. This led me to discover how delicious it feels to be one of thousands who say, “Are you doing this? Me too!”
Since then I have learned that many sensitive people feel isolated from others. They feel misunderstood and different and don’t usually know why. They just don’t realize that they have a simple trait that explains their confusing symptoms and quirks.
There’s even a scientific term for it: sensory processing sensitivity. Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychotherapist and researcher, estimates that 15 to 20% of people have a nervous system that processes stimuli intensively. You think deeply. You feel deep (physically and emotionally). They are easily overstimulated.
According to my research, several successful historical figures were highly sensitive, such as Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King and Steve Jobs. I see this as great news because it doesn’t inherently discriminate us sensitive types.
However, if we don’t know how to deal with our sensitivity, we’re trying too hard to keep up with everyone else. We try to do what others seem to do with ease and do better than them. And that leads to problems.
For a while we use our natural gifts first-class: We are creative students, conscientious employees and committed family members. But if we hammer beyond our borders, it can ultimately take its toll. It shows up in things like relentless health conditions, muscle tension that we cannot get rid of, and endlessly tired or nervous for no good reason.
If you are resonating with any of these, here are 10 things you can do to stop the fight and prosper:
- Stop searching for someone or something to fix them.
Sensitivity is a temperament, not a medical disorder. So nothing is inherently wrong with you. Unfortunately, many certified alternative practitioners do not understand this, because the sensitivity of sensory processing is a new area of health research.
Sure, highly sensitive people are more likely to have allergies or sensitivities to foods, chemicals, medications, etc. And they are more prone to overstimulation and feel stressed faster – which can lead to other health problems. But sensitivity itself does not have to be repaired.
Successful sensitive types recognize that they are not “broken”. If your mind is exhausted from diligently looking for another solution to fix your “mistakes”, you know that the answers to life are in harmony with your sensitive nature.
- Tell yourself as many times as necessary that you are not a scam.
Impostor syndrome is not only seen in highly sensitive people. Many conscientious and productive people fall victim to this excruciating fear. But the smoldering discomfort of being found out is often constant for a sensitive person.
Why shouldn’t it be when you consider that you have felt different for a lifetime and tried to adapt? Perhaps you blame your tears for the dust in your eyes during this cheesy TV commercial; or sign up for the corporate fun run even though you hate running and know you will be ashamed of how long it takes your body to recover. But even if you grew up proudly and showed your sensitivity, you are unlikely to have escaped the cultural pressure that motivates you to disguise your true self to conform to norms.
Successful sensitive types respect that their nervous system is wired differently than 80-85% of people. If you keep thinking about who you should be but aren’t and what you should but can’t do, understand that evaluating your accomplishments and signature strengths will make it easier for you to show who you are – even when you are the strange.
- Look for related spirits (and know that you are NOT alone).
You probably feel different and alone. But the truth is that you are not. Many have experienced confusion in isolation before discovering that hordes of people have an idea of what it is like to be you. You have felt the power surge that comes from the support of like-minded souls. And they want to pay it forward.
The key, whenever possible, is hanging out with sensitive people who are already flourishing or at least open to these opportunities. They understand not only how to deal with their sensitivity, but also how to deal with their superpowers. They know what it’s like to feel endlessly besieged, and they can offer first-hand experience and wisdom to let your sensibilities work in your favor.
Successful sensitive types appreciate and enjoy the strengths of sensitivity in themselves and in others. If you don’t feel supported or misunderstood, find a sensitive, knowledgeable coach, mentor, or community to support you … and maintain that connection.
- Search for and record the hidden positivity in every situation.
The brain is a powerful filter that shapes experiences and perceptions of reality. If you think the world is a dangerous place, your brain is focused on looking for signs of danger. If you think it’s a loving place, you’ll see more loving opportunities. What you focus on will give you more.
As a highly sensitive person, the more negative the environment is, the more you suffer. But the opposite is also the case – the more positive, the more you thrive (also compared to others).
Thoughts are stimuli for your nervous system. One of the most important things a sensitive person can do is to acknowledge the negative (not ignoring it – because what you resist will persist), then let it go … to delve into positive thoughts and situations where you feel good or at least give you a soothing feeling of relief.
Successful sensitive types choose to see the world full of opportunities, to feel grateful and to marinate in this positive mood. When you feel at the mercy of your emotions and circumstances, you understand that your thoughts (and the emotional stresses that trigger them) are always under your control.
- Find new twists on old mistakes.
Your gifts of sensitivity include deep reflection and the instinct to recognize all perspectives and consequences. However, if you are so focused on details, you will easily be overwhelmed and exhausted by relentless stimulation. And if you don’t understand why you feel and act like this, it’s easy to classify them as mistakes.
In truth, these “weaknesses” are simply your unfulfilled needs and unique gifts that you need to nurture. By redesigning your past and nurturing your present, you are preparing for the success of your future.
Successful sensitive types rethink old perceptions given their deeper understanding of sensitivity. If you’re overwhelmed by the oversensitive and neglected (even despised) parts of yourself, try to discover the other side of the coin … where you’ll find some of your greatest strengths: intuition, vision, conscientiousness – and the list goes on.
- Treat yourself to compassion.
As a highly sensitive person, you are deeply compassionate. So much so that it goes without saying to put the comfort and needs of others ahead of your own. In addition, you are often your greatest critic. You push yourself hard and then hit yourself if you miss the target. You criticize yourself in a way you would never dream of judging others.
Control over your tormenting inner critic is essential for self-compassion. But contrary to popular belief, you shouldn’t do this by relentlessly ignoring it. Deep thinking is one of your gifts. So why not take on this power? Take control by hearing your thoughts without judgment (after all, jewels of wisdom may be hidden deeply) and then turning to thoughts that trigger friendlier and more loving emotions in your body. From this place where you feel better, you can better choose actions to take care of yourself and others.
Successful sensitive types show the same loving compassion that they are naturally good at. It may feel selfish or vain at first, but it is not. If your critical inner voice devalues who you are, respond with self-interest … this is the antidote.
- Create healthy boundaries, not rigid emotional walls.
We live in a culture that is much more about “taking a pain reliever and going on” than about sensitivity. We grow up listening: “No pain, no gain; Survival of the fittest; Life is not fair – get used to it. “We admire those who show Grit to overcome their terrible plight.
As a highly sensitive person, your reflex response may be to freeze or worsen. They build walls to protect themselves from injuries … Emotional walls like suppressing feelings or creating dramatic turbulence to distract from the real causes of pain. Physical walls, like stacking layers of weight to hide behind. Mental walls, like switching off with alcohol or drugs.
Or you let all your boundaries collapse at once and so unconsciously absorb the energies of others and feel engulfed in unpredictable events and emotions. You try to escape the feelings by rethinking everything: endlessly planning, searching and analyzing, while completely losing touch with your intuition. You confuse conscientiousness with overwork, empathy with over-identification, compassion with over-tolerance. So you’re beating yourself up, as you know, that you should have better limits. It is a doom-loop.
Successful sensitive types embody gentle but firm personal limits. If you struggle to focus on your own needs (which is not a matter of course for a highly sensitive person), make a conscious decision to practice the ability to say “no” with love and grace or to devote time to that Take charge … and decide to feel good about it.
- Adjust yourself to your body (to avoid rocking between emotional extremes).
Many highly sensitive people learn to ignore the messages that their bodies send them. They turn it off to avoid being overwhelmed, or they adjust to the needs of others rather than their own to meet expectations. Does this seem familiar to you?
When you do this, you swing like a pendulum. Too much, too little. Too fast, too slow. Too in, too out. Back and forth between overstimulation and nerve-racking boredom, diet and then bingeing or hard training and then several days to recover. And so on.
Successful sensitive types adjust to the physical sensations in their bodies; They accept that it’s not always comfortable, but they trust their bodies to guide them. If you have a habit of hiding from feelings or overcoming the point of overwhelm, you will learn to recognize the subtle signs of overstimulation of your body. You spend less time getting out of balance and more time gently moving around the optimal excitation of your nervous system.
- Design healthy habits that meet your individual needs.
At some point, everything will catch up with you. Tedious hours at work, followed by hard sweat in the gym and maintaining chaos at home – all driven by crappy diets and minimal sleep or downtime. It’s a simple trap to get into because you just live the way you see most people.
In addition, some seemingly healthy habits hit a sensitive nervous system hard – such as “healthy” foods that are heavily processed and pumped with sugar and artificial additives, or intense exercise that is not reconciled with a sufficient recovery time.
If you allow too much stimulation and too poor replenishment, you run the risk of developing chronic diseases (how many sensitive types have learned the hard way). At the same time, if you protect yourself excessively, your genius remains unspoken, and this can also lead to stress and illness.
Successful sensitive types practice habits that really nurture them. If you’re struggling with energy or wellbeing problems, prioritize habits that promote these areas of your life (e.g., more sleep and time on your own) and limit those that overly stimulate or strain you (e.g. too many high pressure activities – even if they are so called healthy).
- Stop choking your sensitivity.
After a life full of stimuli, it becomes second nature to push the sensibility out of consciousness. For example, switch off relentless sensations so you can pretend you don’t care. Reduce intense feelings (good and bad) so you don’t ride a roller coaster. Suppress emotions to get a break from feeling anything at all.
This self-protection mechanism may deceive your consciousness, but it does not deceive your sensitive body. This affects your health, your relationships, your career, every aspect of your life … or it builds up internal tension until something has to give way.
Successful sensitive types let go of the handle for control. When you release the energy that is used to hold on, you release the gifts of sensitivity that you have lost: empathy, creativity and increased joy, to name just a few. And you let your true potential blossom.
Close thoughts
As you work through the tips above, remember that the key to success as a highly sensitive person is, above all, realizing that being sensitive is all right – with its challenges and strengths.
Use your deep-minded mind to recognize hidden insights and consciously focus on positivity and opportunities.
Use your deeply felt body to tune your emotions and sensations and stay in your optimal arousal range as often as possible.
Use your heightened awareness to dance to every beat you damn well like, even if it seems strange to many people.
Because somewhere others dance with you.
It’s your turn…
What are you sensitive to? What do you do to be successful as a sensitive person? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
