I remember that rainy summer evening – shortly after Angel and I lost two relatives due to illness, lost our livelihood from a layoff, and ultimately lost sight of the kindness that remained in our lives – when I was on a tiled floor lay down. alone in the dark, just thoughtful.
Angel and I rarely spoke openly about anything useful during this time, mainly because I was withdrawn. I felt helpless and essentially depressed about what had happened. I was lost in the darkness of my own negative thinking.
But something moved inside me as I lay on the tiled floor.
When I looked up from the open window next to me, the moon suddenly broke through the clouds and illuminated the dark room in which I was. Within seconds, a light breeze blew the white window curtains in and over me. When the curtains fluttered in the air a meter above my body, I smiled. It was a wonderful moment. And without thinking, I whispered loudly: “Life is still a miracle for which I have to be grateful.”
Angel entered the room at that very moment and whispered, “I agree.”
She ducked under the curtains and snuggled up to me on the floor. After a few moments of silence together, we decided to cut some things out of our heads that we were grateful for despite our struggles.
Our gratitude list looked something like this:
- We had each other
- We had parents, an extended family and some friends who loved us
- We were pretty healthy
- Most of our family members and friends were reasonably healthy
- We had some savings
- We had accommodation, water and food
- We were able to experience and appreciate the beauty of the moonlight that illuminates this dark room and the breeze that makes the curtains dance
- And of course the list went on, but you understand the essentials. Even if everything seemed wrong, we had done a lot right – a lot for which we were grateful.
That night I decided to change my mind and make gratitude a daily ritual in my life.
A gratitude ritual … A new perspective
Nowadays, I spend 20 minutes every evening concentrating solely on what I’m thankful for and why. I call it my gratitude meditation.
This may seem like a trivial, clichéd practice to some people, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not trivial at all and as clichéd as it may seem at first glance, such a ritual changes life.
The following has gradually changed in my life as I practice my gratitude ritual:
I appreciate Angel more and tell her what ultimately deepened our relationship by opening the gates for a more vulnerable and honest line of communication.
I value my extended family and close friends more because I pay more attention to their positive qualities.
I am friendlier to everyone around me and also to myself because I have replaced many of my old, unnecessary judgments with simple appreciation.
Little frustrations bother me less because I complain less.
I need less to be happy because I am present and sincerely appreciate what I already have.
I notice the simple joys and small moments of life more than ever before.
Working through the inevitable adversities of life has become easier because instead of focusing on how painful everything is, I find gratitude and joy in the small steps of progress that I make every day.
And this list goes on and on. However, it is important to recognize that all of these changes are incredibly positive and powerful. They are not banal and far from being a cliché.
My focus on gratitude has fundamentally changed the way I think and live.
What is the easiest way to create a daily gratitude ritual in your life?
Here’s a super simple, five-minute daily gratitude ritual that has worked wonders for hundreds of our course students over the past ten years (and before I worked my way up to a 20-minute gratitude meditation, I started here too):
Every night, before going to bed, write down three things that went well during the day and their causes. Just give a short, causal explanation for every good thing.
That’s it. We spend tens of thousands of dollars on expensive electronics, big houses, chic cars, and lavish vacations, and hope for a boost in happiness and determination. This is a simple, free alternative and works.
If you start this ritual today, you can look back to today in many years when your whole life changed. (Note: Angel and I build small, life-changing rituals like this with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
And if you need additional inspiration, think about it …
Powerful gratitude mantras
Sometimes – on the most difficult days – I still find it difficult to muster enough positive energy to focus on things that I am thankful for. In this case, I review my gratitude notes – the perspectives and lessons I’ve learned over the years, which I’ve documented in various archived blog posts (and now in our book). I call these notes my gratitude mantras. And on those days when everything seems to go wrong, I’ll read it through and think about it as long as I find a source of gratitude.
I pass these mantras on to you in the hope that you will find refuge in them too. Repeat for yourself and reflect on them in those dark moments where you have lost track of what you have to be thankful for …
- If life gives you every reason to be negative, think of a good reason to be positive. There is always something to be thankful for.
- The biggest secret to happiness and peace is to let every situation in life be what it is instead of what you think and then make the best of it. (Angel and I discuss this further in the “Happiness” chapter of 1,000 little things that make happy, successful people different.)
- Decide to smile today by taking your life from moment to moment, complaining very little, and being thankful for the little things that mean a lot.
- No, you won’t always get what you want. But remember: there are many people who will never have what you have right now.
- Happiness becomes a lot easier when you stop complaining about your problems and you become grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
- Never let all the things you want make you forget all the things you have. Focus on what you have today, not what you don’t have.
- Be thankful for your life. For your health, your family, your friends and your home. Many people don’t have these things.
It’s your turn…
How has gratitude or lack of it affected your life and the lives of those you love? Do you have thoughts or insights that you would like to share? We’d love to hear from you. Please leave an answer below.
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