There is a little ritual that Angel and I practice every day that can turn hard days into simpler and extremely difficult life situations into far better ones – and it won’t surprise you either. It is the ritual of gratitude.
Of course, this is such a basic ritual, and yet we often forget to practice it. But if we practice diligently, it can quickly change both our mind and our lives.
Let me give you a quick example. A little over a decade ago, I remember a certain night when I was struggling with grief and also felt very stressed, broke without work and unsatisfied with the direction of my life. I was depressed and very lost.
But that night I tried very hard to put things in perspective. I wrote down a list of everything I was really grateful for, even if everything in my life seemed to go wrong. It was a fairly long list, and I still have the list on my notice board in the home office today. Some of the most important things are:
- I am married to a loving, encouraging, beautiful woman named Angel.
- I’m alive.
- I have a relatively healthy body.
- I have a roof over my head.
- I have loving parents and other extended family members that I love.
- I have a few close friends.
- I have the ability to learn new things and grow.
- I can read.
- I can listen to music.
- I can see the sun rise and set.
- I can walk on the beach (at the time we lived in San Diego, walk to the ocean).
- I can try delicious homemade food (Angel is a damn good cook).
The list goes on and on, of course, but you understand the essentials. The small but wonderful things that I took for granted every day were now right in front of me in black and white. The hard times I struggled with did not suddenly go away, but things were brought into a better perspective. I no longer focused only on the difficult times with tunnel vision, but expanded my focus to the periphery of my life, where there was a whole list of amazing things that could promote my inner spirit.
Yes, there are incredibly painful parts of my life and it is okay to feel the pain they bring. But it is also important that I remember the rest of my life and that even the painful experiences make life as complicated and remarkable as it is. Life would be impossible without challenges. There is no happiness without sadness – one needs the other.
The revision of my mindset and how I felt about my life at this moment, in this really hard night, was extraordinary. And everything came from returning to the basics – I found some gratitude.
I’ve used this process dozens of times since that night and it continues to make a big difference:
- When someone gets upset, I try to find something in him that I’m grateful for.
- If I find myself hesitating about a task, I can see why I am thankful that I can do the task.
- When I get sick or hurt my body, I focus on how grateful I am to be alive and able to heal.
- When I lose someone I love, I mourn, but I’m also grateful for the time and experience I’ve shared with them.
- When something negative happens in my work, I remember that I am grateful for the ability to work and serve others, and that these challenges allow me to become smarter.
- If someone doesn’t like me or judge me unfairly, I’ll do my best to be grateful that they take care of me enough. Attention is time and time is a gift.
The bottom line is that the art of being thankful on really tough days starts with you. And make no mistake: the secret of being thankful is no secret. You choose to be thankful. Then you do it again and again. If you forget it, start again.
A few minutes a day in which you can record a gratitude list or just think about what you are grateful for at the moment can change your life. Do this every morning or evening by setting a reminder alarm if necessary and see how it affects you.
Don’t race through either – don’t make it careless. Really try to feel real gratitude in your heart and mind for everything you list. Concentrate on the little miracles in your life. And also appreciate all of your progress. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot through the ups and downs. Treat yourself to appreciation and gratitude for your resilience and how far you have come.
If you would like additional support for this ritual or would like a little more perspective, I invite you to listen to a current podcast episode, which Angel and I titled …
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