8 things emotionally stable people don’t

Last night I received an email (creative) with the title “Emotionally stable people don’t” from a reader named Karl. In it he describes a rather chaotic emotional roller coaster ride on which he has been personal and professional in recent years. And then he closed his email with the following:

“Really, I love your book and blog. Both have helped me get through some tough times. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my emotions. I persistently let every little problem get the best out of me. So I asked myself, what do emotionally stable people NOT do? I ask because, although I have made progress, I know that I am still sticking to old habits that hold me back. I need some reminders of what I should NOT do! “

There are a million ways to answer Karl’s question (especially regarding his unique life situation), but since we all struggle with emotional stability at times, I thought I would try to answer his question in a general sense for all of us. Emotionally stable people don’t do the following:

1. You don’t take other people’s behavior personally. – It is easy to feel unloved and undesirable when people are unable to communicate and connect with you as expected. And it is so difficult not to internalize this separation as a reflection of your worth. But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you. Most people are so involved in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles that the thought of asking you how you are is not even coming to mind. They are not mean or loveless – they are just busy and sometimes a little self-centered. And that’s fine. It is not evidence of a fundamental mistake on your part. It doesn’t make you unpopular or unworthy. It just means that some people are not very good at looking beyond their own self-centered bubble. But the fact that despite the darkness you feel you have the ability to share your love and light with others is an incredible strength.
2. You will not get involved in small quarrels and dramas. – Being strong and emotionally stable doesn’t mean that you have to stay and have all the battles and small arguments that come in your way. It does the opposite – you don’t have to stay and respond to rude comments and unnecessary hostility from others. If you encounter someone with a bad attitude, don’t respond by throwing offenses. Keep your dignity and don’t lower yourself to your level. The real strength is being brave enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high. (Read loved ones what is.)
3. They don’t just react (they react attentively). – A response is a hot, thoughtless, instantaneous burst of emotion that is usually driven by our ego (we are more likely to respond when we are separated from our rational mind). It can take a fraction of a second for our intuition to start and perspective, or it can go to the point where we respond. If we are angry or nervous after dealing with a situation or person, this is a sign that we have reacted rather than reacted carefully. When you react attentively, you feel that you have dealt with integrity and balance.
4. They don’t get stuck thinking that the world is going to end. – Sometimes you bring the darkest times to the brightest places, your most painful struggles can give you the greatest growth, and the most heartbreaking loss of relationships can make room for the most wonderful people. What appears to be a curse at the moment can actually be a blessing in disguise, and what appears to be the end of the street is actually just the realization that you should go another route. No matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And no matter how powerless you feel or how terrible things seem, you can’t give up. You have to keep going. Even if it is scary, even if all your strength seems to be gone, you have to keep standing up and moving forward, because whatever you are fighting at the moment will go away and you will make it. You made it this far and you’ve felt that way before. Think about it. Do you remember the time when you thought the world was going to end? It was not like that. And this time it doesn’t end either.
5. They don’t tie their present emotions to past negativity. – When we’re in the here and now, it’s much easier to deal with emotions and see them as just that: emotions. When we are obsessed with the past, emotions and situations can take on new (and untrue) meanings when tied to stories. For example, imagine you have just been rejected for a new job. Of course you are disappointed. But if you are not present with that emotion and instead try to behave like a tough girl or guy by burying her, the mind plunges into your past for all the other times you felt that way a. Now you feel like a failure and are beginning to carry a sense of unworthiness into every future job interview. If we stay present, we can start anew every moment and see each situation with a sharper perspective that allows us to grow beyond the negative emotions (and results) that stand in our way. (Read the power of now.)
6. They are not trying to escape change. – Sometimes, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us admit, there are things in our life that shouldn’t stay. Change may not be what we want, but it is always what happens. The earth does not stop spinning. And sometimes it’s the hardest thing to say goodbye to what you ever have to do. Or if you say hello, you become more vulnerable and restless than you ever thought possible. Some changes are almost too much to endure. But mostly change is the only thing that saves your life and enables you to dream and grow and be successful and smile again. Life changes every moment, and so can you.
7. They don’t try (or pretend) to be perfect. – To paraphrase the poet Daniell Koepke: “Despite what others tell you, you can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can fail and still be smart, capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthy and earn love and admiration. At some point, everyone disappointed someone who is important to them. Everyone messes it up, lets people down and makes mistakes. Not because we are all inadequate or incapable, but because we are all imperfect and human. “If you expect anything else, you have to be prepared for confusion and disappointment.
8. They don’t spit hatred on themselves. – If you find yourself self-loathing drowning, remember that you weren’t born that way. That sometime in the past someone or experience sent you the message that something was wrong with you and that you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth. But this lie is not yours, and these judgments do not apply to you. And just as you’ve learned to think negatively about yourself, you can learn to think new, positive, and self-loving thoughts. You can learn to challenge these false beliefs, lose power, and regain your self-esteem. It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight. But it’s possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be a better way of life and that you deserve to discover it. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 little things that make happy, successful people different.)

Close thoughts
Caring for our emotional wellbeing helps us get the best out of life. When we feel emotionally stable, we feel more centered and connected to our intuition. We become more productive, can make decisions better, are present and more fulfilled.

Now that we’ve covered eight big “don’s,” we conclude with a few rapid-fire do’s to improve your emotional stability and general wellbeing.

• Understand that the problem is not the problem – the problem is the incredible amount of rethinking you do with the problem.
• Realize that you shouldn’t do it just because you can. Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s worth it. Do what is right in life, not what is easy.
• Do you know that there is a big difference between empty tiredness and pleasant exhaustion? Life is too short. Invest in the activities that are very important to you.
• Admit if you are wrong, and then accept the fact that you are smarter now than before.
• Say “no” so your yes votes have more momentum.
• Be … so busy loving the people who love you that you don’t have time to worry about the few people who don’t like you for no good reason.
• Focus more on being interested than being interesting.
• Make … gratitude and think about how rich you are – your family and friends are invaluable, your time is gold and your health is real wealth.
• Note that it is time to stop staring when the grass on the other side looks greener, no longer compare, no more complaining, and watering the grass you are standing on.
• Be old enough to appreciate your freedom and young enough to enjoy it.
• See transitions in life as the perfect opportunity to let go of a situation and engage in something even better.

It’s your turn…
What habit or belief has slowed you down and weakened your emotional stability? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

Share this...

Facebook

Pinterest

Twitter

Linkedin