If you’ve met someone you like, or even really like, you may be seeing stars and feeling the butterflies. You start to smile whenever you think about them, and start worrying about what you wear. You’re starting to consider taking your relationship with this person to the next level, but of course you want it to go smoothly. The more intense your feelings are for someone, the more likely it is that you feel nervous and are worried about doing or saying the wrong thing. Making the first move can be difficult, but whether you are a guy or a girl, you can successfully make the leap.
1. Laying the Ground Work
1. Pay attention to body language cues.
It’s the old but true cliché: actions always speak louder than words. Only 7% of our daily communication is verbal. 55% of our communication comes from body language. Before initiating any kind of move, look for body language clues such as prolonged eye contact and positive facial expressions to help you work out whether you’ll get a positive response.
- A woman may expose certain areas of her body like her neck or wrists, and may play with her hair. She may touch you or lean against you, or maybe she will turn towards you with her arms open and uncrossed.
- A man may exhibit more obvious and bold signals. These may include resting an arm on the back of your chair, engaging in strong eye contact, and sitting or leaning close to you.
2. Communicate with your body language.
Be sure that you are sending the right signals as well as receiving them. Your body language can give the object of your desire hints that you are interested.
- Smiling can be a strong indicator that someone is interested. Make sure you also are smiling to communicate your interest to the other person.
- You may notice that you are ‘mirroring’, which is the subconscious copying of the actions of the other person’s body positions. When someone smiles at you, you tend to smile back. Flirting is a way of mirroring each other’s actions. Try to see if you’re on the same wavelength by doing an action. If the other person mirrors you, great. If she doesn’t, go back to mirroring her to create a bond.
3. Engage in good conversation.
While there are physical ways to flirt, talking and chatting can also be a great way to get to know someone and possibly take the relationship to the next level. Displaying good listening and communication skills indicates confidence, one of the most attractive qualities in a person. While men are more motivated by action, women tend to value meaningful words from their partners. Regardless of gender, most individuals appreciate a good one on one chat.
4. Be positive.
Speaking positively helps you to keep a light tone, an interested posture, a bright facial expression. Negativity will make you seem guarded, and it could be a turn off. If you want to talk about negative things, spin it in a positive, humorous way. You want to share and be honest, but you always want to keep things at this early stage light and enjoyable.
2. Making the Best First Move
1. Suggest getting together.
Making the first move doesn’t have to be the obvious and potentially awkward question, “Will you go on a date with me?” If you both like pizza, suggest going to your favorite place on Friday. If the other person likes movies, tell her that you two should go see one soon. If the other person expresses interest, be sure to turn the interest into an actual plan. For example, instead of leaving it at “yeah, we should go to a movie sometime,” you should say “Casablanca is playing at the independent cinema at 7:00PM on Thursday; would you like to go see it?”
3. Follow up after you spend time together.
If you went to dinner or a movie, send the person a text to let her know you enjoyed your time. This shows that you are still interested.
- Think about mentioning a specific thing that happened during the date, like a joke or a food you both ate. That can open up the lines of communication for both of you.
3. Be bold and ask the person out.
Sometimes the straightforward approach is the best one. If the signs from the other person point to mutual interest, then just go for it and ask her out.
- Don’t be pushy or aggressive. You can be direct while still being casual. If you seem too pushy, you may scare the person away.
4. Start with kissing and slowly go from there.
Just like asking someone out, it takes guts to go after a kiss from someone for the first time! Relax and be confident but not overly aggressive. Maintain eye contact, lean in and pause when your faces are close before you go any further to make sure your partner is also interested in a kiss. From kissing, slowly lead into something more physical.
5. Take it slow when making a physical first move.
So, you’ve started kissing, but you want to take it a bit further. Go slow to ensure the other person is on the same page as you. Light touches and closer body contact will not only make your intentions clear, but can give you an idea of the other person’s interest.
- Make sure to go slow enough to give the other person time to say no. You want to have a fun, consensual, and safe time with each other. This includes making the person feel comfortable. If the person isn’t ready to take it as far as you are, then respect her wishes.
- Make sure you have protection. This one seems like a no brainer, but if you’re preparing for a first move, always have condoms on hand (regardless of your gender, women should bring their own, too!). Part of having an enjoyable time together is ensuring you’re both safe and comfortable, so always use protection.
